Friday, September 10, 2010


... let's all go watch a movie about fucking owls.

pictured above: owls.

Finally -- a movie that really corners the market for those who love owls and the color treatment of Lord of the Rings.  Let's all congratulate the team on making everything look awkwardly-realistic.  Kids fucking LOVE feather textures, people.  I remember when I was growing up watching Looney Tunes on Saturday mornings thinking to myself, "Y'know what?  I don't really believe Bugs Bunny could exist in our own physical reality.  THIS IS ALL FAKE!"  I really had to struggle with that disconnect in life until I was about 14-years-old.  Thank you, Space Jam.*
I apologize for the randomness of this rant but I just don't understand how this movie made it into theaters.  I should mention that I'm completely uneducated on the whole subject of Legend of the Guardians.  I'm assuming it came from children's literature since I can't imagine someone pitching this to a studio as an original idea ("Guys! Owls you guys!"), but at the same time who really cares?  If you had the power of sophisticated CGI to create any imagery you could possibly imagine, what would compell you to make it this?

... an owl wearing a helmet, everybody.

It's a movie about owls doing things that more interesting animals or creatures could be doing... like dragons or dinosaurs or hell, what they did back in my day.  I think I'm a better man for being ignorant towards this movie.  I mean, c'mon... the owls of ga'hoole?  So on top of spending $15 to watch a movie about owls, the movie poster alludes to the fact that I'll also have to put up with an hour-and-a-half's worth of some owl language that somebody made up peppered with owl-puns.

You know what I think of when I think of owls?  This.

At least in five years' time all the CGI will look like crap.

(because chances are it always does)

* for the record I was also too cynical in my youth to ever watch Space Jam in its entirety.  Le sigh.

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